Boy Erased

Boy Erased is not always an easy movie to watch. (We’ve put it off for a while, concerned that the intense material might make the viewing experience torturous.) Based on the memoir of the same name by Garrard Conley, Boy Erased is essentially a true story where the names have been changed.  In the film, Conley’s movie counterpart, teen college student Jared Eamons (Lucas Hedges) agrees to undergo conversion therapy when his Southern Baptist preacher father (Russell Crowe) decides that a gay son will not fit into the family while his mother (Nicole Kidman) looks on fretfully.

It’s hard to want to watch a movie like this.  I have tremendous respect for the talents of the cast, including Joel Edgerton, the film’s screenwriter/director who also plays the conversion center’s director (a character called Victor Sykes in the movie whose real life counterpart, John Smid subsequently renounced conversion therapy and married a man).

You know going in that a story like this isn’t going to be pleasant. Conversion therapy doesn’t work.  I’ve read enough about it to be positive about that.  I’ve also talked with people who have attempted to change their sexual orientation through similar methods. (I’ve talked to them informally, I mean, socially, not as part of a research study.)  As someone who grew up going to church, I do believe that many of the people who offer conversion therapy genuinely think it might help. I mean, I’m sure there are plenty of authoritarian types who just enjoy fleecing people and abusing power. But at least some of the people who advocate and practice damaging “therapies” like the kind Jared Eamons experiences in this film believe they are doing God’s work.  That’s what makes the topic so tricky.

But what Jared experiences in this film isn’t even the worst of the damage some of these programs have done.   If you ask me, the only benefit of participating in a program like this is that you can get some great material for a book (like Boy Erased).  I can’t say for certain that conversion therapy never helped anyone. I’m sure many people have gone in confused about their sexuality, and come out freed from such confusion (because now they’re sure they’re gay). Has conversion therapy ever done any actual good?  God knows.  Maybe.  Like everything, it still has its proponents.  But anybody interested can find out about the tremendous harm it has done.  That’s well documented.  A number of former practitioners have now spoken out against ex-gay ministries and therapy centers.

I, personally, can imagine undergoing something like this to please my parents, but I can’t imagine asking it of my children.  To be fair, I do understand why you would not want to be homosexual if you believe it is morally wrong. I understand why you might choose celibacy, why you might pray for God to change you. I understand why you might seek counseling if you do not believe that sexual orientation is something you’re born with.  There’s nothing wrong with seeking help to make good choices and live your best life.  But why should this be done to children?

I’m sympathetic to parents whose religious beliefs make the reality of a gay child perplexing and unsettling.  But if you think prayer will change things, then pray.  There’s no need to send your helpless child to a counseling program run by people without medical accreditation.  God has his credentials.  Pray to him, and wait for his answer.

That said, I understand that parents aren’t perfect, and that most good parents get a little crazy when they’re desperate to help their children.  I actually really appreciated this film’s fairly sympathetic portrayal of Jared’s initially confounded parents.  In fact, Boy Erased actually surprised me by focusing on the positive at every opportunity and leaving viewers with an uplifting message of hope.

Jared undergoes tremendous trauma (and not just at the therapy center), but in the end, Boy Erased is so rewarding, so moving. No wonder Nicole Kidman has been generating Oscar buzz. Lucas Hedges is brilliant, too, and this is probably my new favorite performance by Russell Crowe. (Of course, if you know me, that sounds like faint praise since I kind of hate Russell Crowe. But I don’t hate him in this. He’s really good.) The last third of this film is amazing, emotionally charged and incredibly satisfying. Somehow the film switches gears and goes from “huh, interesting” to “wow, phenomenal!” in the blink of an eye.

The Good:
Let me start with Russell Crowe and explain that I don’t actually hate him. I’ve just never found him attractive. He’s always been a good actor, but I find him more palatable these days, now that he’s not being presented as such an irresistible heart throb, and all my friends aren’t raving about how cute I should be finding him.

He’s really sensational in this part. I can’t think of the last performance of his that I’ve liked so much. (Of course, keep in mind that I absolutely despised A Beautiful Mind, and that I experienced a thrill of transcendent joy when Denzel Washington swooped in and beat Crowe for Best Actor that year. Looking back, I find no reasonable justification for this pettiness on my part.  What did Russell Crowe ever do to me? He didn’t send me to conversion therapy!)

Anyway, I’m stressing my past hatred for Crowe so you’ll believe me when I rave about how excellent he is in Boy Erased. He deserves a nomination for Best Supporting Actor (though I doubt he’ll get one). He completely convinced me that he was a Southern Baptist preacher/car dealer from Arkansas whose heart was torn in half as he tried to reconcile his religious beliefs about homosexuality with his love for his gay son. And then during the credits, we saw a photograph of Garrad Conley’s actual father. The physical resemblance is uncanny!

I didn’t grow up in a Southern Baptist household in Arkansas. But I did grow up in a very faith-focused Disciples of Christ household in (mostly) Texas (if you overlook the other five states). My dad wasn’t a minister, but his dad was. And we were always very involved in church. Once when discussing our church with my Catholic friends at my Catholic undergrad alma mater, I produced a Sunday worship bulletin. Just by chance, that Sunday, the minister had been out, and the organist had been sick, so my Dad had preached the sermon, my mom had played the piano, I was worship leader, and my sister had taken up the offering. “I swear,” I told them, “we do not usually do everything in the church.” But…actually we did kind of do everything in the church.

Weirdly, our denomination was more liberal than our family. My parents grew up in the Independent Christian Church (an actual denomination, not a synonym for non-denominational). As I said, my dad’s father was a minister, and my mom’s father was an elder. And homosexuality was frowned upon to say the least.

So I really understand where Jared’s family is coming from, and I understand the difficulty of reconciling religious beliefs about homosexuality with the reality of being gay.

My husband is always more puzzled by difficulties caused by clash of long held religious beliefs with personal discoveries or mainstream culture. He did not grow up going to church, so he just genuinely doesn’t get it. “But you don’t understand,” I’m always saying to him. “You just don’t understand.” Some people would argue that a childhood of religious indoctrination is tantamount to systematic brainwashing. I’m not sure I would go that far, but it is worth noting that I had a childhood of religious indoctrination.  (It worked.  I’m Catholic even now.)

I feel for Jared’s parents, especially his father. It’s pretty hard to be taken seriously as a fundamentalist preacher and also be seen accepting the lifestyle of your gay son. This puts his father in a real bind because this isn’t just some abstract point up for debate. To accept Jared as is means losing place within the community around which he (the father) has built his entire life. Not only that, but since this father is a Bible believing, God-fearing man who has devoted his life to the study of holy scripture, he genuinely believes that if his son persists in a sinful lifestyle, he will be lost. Any father who loves his child obviously does not want to see him spend eternity in hell. And isn’t it a parent’s responsibility to correct his child?  The Bible says that it is.

I can even kind of see why the father would send his son to get treatment, if other men he respects have counseled him that the treatment could help. And I see why he would send him to such a shady, unaccredited place, too, now that I think about it. When you’re a fundamentalist Christian, finding therapists who share your particular beliefs is not always easy. The medical doctor the family takes Jared to see clearly does not give them the kind of help they want. So they go to someone they think they can trust.

What I’m getting at is that I appreciate the world Jared’s father inhabits, and Russell Crowe totally made me believe he was that character, even though I ordinarily don’t associate him with Baptist preachers from Arkansas.

I think Crowe actually may give the strongest performance in the film, but the one most likely to get Oscar recognition is probably Nicole Kidman since she plays the (eventually) courageous, protective, and sympathetic mother. (The Golden Globes nominated her for a different performance, though, which makes it trickier.)

Lucas Hedges, of course, is marvelous as Jared himself. Now that I think of it, this is probably the best work I’ve ever seen from Hedges, too. He’s pretty awards worthy in everything, of course, and I’m always glad to watch him, though it’s starting to seem like he and Timothée Chalamet are the only two young male actors ever cast in prestige pictures anymore. (I was going to make some dumb joke like, “Next we’ll be seeing them in Little Women,” when I remembered Chalamet actually will be playing Laurie in Little Women next year.) These two really are in everything Oscary, but to be fair, it’s because they are both such great actors.

Hedges just got nominated for Best Actor in a Drama at the Golden Globes. I don’t think that will translate into an Oscar nod, but he would be a deserving nominee.

Probably the thing I love most about the film is how attractive it makes Jared look. Boy Erased does such a phenomenal job of quietly showing us that there is absolutely nothing wrong with Jared Eamons as is. He’s intelligent, thoughtful, kind, helpful, respectful, witty, courageous, eloquent, caring, reflective, generous, loving, compassionate, forgiving, you name it. He’s everything anyone could want in a son. As the film goes on, in fact, he seems more and more like somebody I’d love to have as a friend. He just looks really cool, and the people running the conversion center come across quite unfavorably in comparison.

The film could easily demonize and vilify the people in charge of the therapy, but instead, it emphasizes the virtue of Jared. It leaves you with the impression that though his parents have made a huge mistake, they’ve also done many things right. Their son is so virtuous, with a healthy sense of self worth. He eventually has the confidence to recognize what is good in himself and repudiate the people trying to “educate” him.

Of course, the people running the therapy center don’t look great. Flea plays a guy who turns out to be quite a jerk. He’s terrific in the role. I never thought of him as an actor before, but he’s even better here than in Baby Driver. I’m curious to see what he’ll do next.

As I said, the director (and screenwriter) of the film, Joel Edgerton also plays Victor Sykes, the head of the conversion program. Edgerton is an extremely underrated actor, so versatile. The characters he plays are so different from one another, yet he’s believable in every role. He directs himself well. In fact, you would never guess that he’s directing the film from anything his character does. (Sometimes actor/directors let their own character run rampant, steal the spotlight, take over the whole movie.) I like Edgerton’s take on Sykes. He means well. He genuinely wants to help. He’s doing a lot of damage. His methods are terrible. He’s unqualified, and he’s kind of an idiot (or at least, he’s suspicious of education). But he is sincerely trying to help. Watching his bumbling therapy methods, we definitely get the idea that he’s attempting to work through his own problems by projecting them onto others.  I think the Sykes character shows the problem with these types of programs very effectively. He isn’t evil. He’s just wrong. 

Also good in small supporting roles are Joe Alwyn (who is suddenly in every movie), Britton Sear, Troye Sivan, and Xavier Dolan. I like the way the movie shows us all of these young men trying to come to terms with their sexuality in different ways, some of them much more healthy than others. My husband liked the Théodore Pellerin character a lot. And Cherry Jones is really appealing as the family physician.

My husband noted with some alarm that the events in this movie happened so recently. For me, some of the rules of this group immediately raised red flags. In therapy (as in Fight Club) it is not unusual to request details of group sessions be kept confidential, but it is extremely bizarre to refuse to let participants write in a journal. Usually therapists practically insist you keep a journal. In my experience, journal writing is recommended at every turn, and you just can’t get away from people offering you journals or other patients trying to read you theirs.  (But, of course, I’ve never been to conversion therapy, just the mental hospital.  I still think it’s alarming when people attempt to censor your thoughts.)  The weirdest part of all of this to me is the prison-like vibe at the center, especially when you consider that Jared has actually done nothing. He’s only admitted to having certain thoughts and feelings. Why is he being treated like a criminal?

The really awful part about the whole situation is that Jared would probably benefit a lot from therapy with an actual medical professional since he’s working through the effects of a trauma that I won’t spoil.

Best Scene:
I love the scene when Jared’s dad first asks him if he wants to change and proposes seeking treatment. My husband thinks Nicole Kidman is particularly great in this scene. I’m a fan of the way Crowe’s character asks his son if he wants to change.

The thing is, as an eighteen-year-old, Jared must enter this program of his own free will. I’ve heard so many apologists for these types of programs point out that people participate of their own free will.

But I mean, Crowe’s character begins by saying that he can’t imagine his son continuing to live under his roof, receive his financial support for school, go to the church, and be a member of the family if he wants to be gay. Then he’s like, “In your heart, do you want to change? It’s totally up to you. Now you have thirty seconds to respond.”

I think that’s the way it goes for a lot of people who sign up for stuff like this “of their own free will.”

Best Scene Visually:
I love the scene after the “four years later” time jump when we get a glimpse of Jared’s social life. After so much talk about the depraved gay lifestyle, we can see he’s really given himself over to the dangerous world of playing board games at a dinner party with friends.

Watching this really made me want to hang out with Jared. His life looks so fun, and he seems like he’d make interesting, insightful observations.

Best Action Sequence:
The scene when Jared literally runs from Sykes (who continues to pursue him) is just riveting. This is such a crazy chase. The weirdest part is that I believe Sykes when he insists he has no intention of hurting him. I think if Sykes were more obviously cruel and violent, he’d be less harmful. I actually really like the Sykes character. Edgerton makes someone who could become a caricature genuinely complex and intriguing.

Most Oscar Worthy Moment, Nicole Kidman:
Kidman seems like the cast member most likely to get an Oscar nomination because she plays such a sympathetic character (though now that she’s missed a Globe nomination for the role, I’m not sure she’ll make it). As Jared’s loving mother, she finally puts her foot down and makes the decision to protect her son before it’s too late. (You see this in the trailers, so it’s not really a spoiler.) I absolutely love the scene where she tells Jared that she’s talked with his father about him going back to therapy.

Most Oscar Worthy Moment, Lucas Hedges:
Hedges is even more brilliant in that scene than Kidman, but they have such chemistry as mother and child in that moment. His dismay is so palpable, and the way she comforts him is so satisfying.

Honestly, Hedges gives a performance that builds and builds and builds. It gathers momentum slowly at first, but then by the final third of the film, it snowballs wildly. By the end, he’s just on fire. (I’m imagining someone rolling a tiny snowball faster and faster until it becomes the bottom of a mountain-sized snowman, goes flying off a cliff, then explodes in a fiery burst of intensity.) (As you might gather, here in Texas, we get few opportunities to build snowmen.)

His moment with his mother is my favorite, but in the final third of the movie he starts finding his voice and talking back to people with increasing certainty. Each time he does this, he seems more and more Oscar worthy.

Most Oscar Worthy Moment, Russell Crowe:
The thing about Russell Crowe’s performance is that it isn’t showy or theatrical. He just disappears into the character. He makes me believe he is that man, a real man, not some condescending stereotype. It’s not a performance that hinges on one showy moment, though his final conversation with Jared is really good.

The Negatives:
The first third of the movie is awfully slow and even a bit confusing.

“It was kind of disjointed,” my husband said, and I agree.

There are so many flashbacks, and it’s hard to keep up with them. I understood when Jared was having a flashback. I just found it hard to understand why we were getting certain flashbacks at certain moments. The presentation of the story seemed kind of erratic and halting.

But then the second third of the movie feels much more focused and proceeds with a clearer sense of purpose, and the final third is simply magnificent.

In a sense, I was watching first dutifully, then curiously, then rapaciously. (I mean that I was always hungry for more. The movie just couldn’t give me its satisfying excellence fast enough. I was gripping my husband’s arm and sobbing through the whole last third. Well, maybe sobbing is an exaggeration, but my eyes were all wet, and I truly cared about every character on the screen.)

My husband and I talked about this a lot, and he wondered if perhaps the confusing, faltering pacing in the beginning is meant to mirror Jared’s confused interior state. I think he’s right. But it’s still kind of a slow watch.

Also what happens to Jared early on–I realize that’s not the focus of the story, but I think maybe it deserves more attention, more resolution. Maybe Garrard Conley addresses it a bit more in his memoir. I feel like this incident helps the audience to understand the complexity of Jared’s predicament with his parents, and maybe it also explains his state of mind and desire for help as he enters the program. But I also feel it needs more resolution.

I suppose the movie does run the risk of making people think conversion therapy isn’t all that dangerous by showing us Jared’s relatively mild encounters with it. But I mean, at least one person ends up dead. How bad does it have to be? Yes, in reality it is often much worse, but isn’t what we see perfectly bad enough? Why would you want your child to be brainwashed by the illiterati?  (Okay, Sykes isn’t illiterate, and he’s right that most great literature will upset someone going through any kind of crisis.  But I’m not sure why reading Lolita would make you fantasize about having sex with men.  If anything, it might make you fantasize about slapping Vladimir Nabokov.  Maybe that’s gay enough for Sykes.  I don’t know.)

Overall:
I almost skipped Boy Erased just because there are so many movies to see right now. But I’m really glad we saw it. The final third of the movie is so moving, and I really like the way the film convinces us that Jared is just fine simply by letting him speak for himself and show us who he really is.