John Carter (3D)

Running Time: 2 hours, 12 minutes 
Rating: PG-13 
Director: Andrew Stanton

Quick Impressions: 
Thanks to its beyond inept marketing campaign, I’ve been dreading John Carter for what seems like an eternity. Since at least last summer, I’ve been seeing the torturous, over-pushed preview every time I set foot in a theater. Judging by its dreadful previews, I wrote John Carter off as a humorless, cookie-cutter excuse for 3D, mindlessly churned out by the studio (with little thought of quality) to make a quick buck. Plus, based on its over-the-top marketing strategy alone, I was pretty sure the movie would flop. Such a frenzied marketing blitz rarely heralds a quality product.

Then about two weeks ago, I suddenly heard that Andrew Stanton directed John Carter and volunteered for the thankless job of condensing an entire serial into one feature because of his long-time love of Edgar Rice Burroughs’s Barsoom series.

I am pretty sure that over the course of the past year, I have seen nine-hundred-seventy-five previews for John Carter. Why didn’t any of them say, “From the director of Wall-E and Finding Nemo comes a really funny movie about the adventures of a Civil War veteran on Mars, based on the writings of Tarzan creator Edgar Rice Burroughs!”?

A new, lackluster, post-converted 3D action blockbuster comes out every week or so, but the movie I just described sounds different, quirky, worth a look. If John Carter becomes as big a box office bomb as some people are predicting, it will be the fault of its terrible marketing campaign.

The film itself is good. The three minute previews for John Carter were so boring that I almost fell asleep every time. But the two hour movie had me on the edge of my seat, laughing, excited, engaged for its duration.

Is John Carter perfect? No. Oh no. But it’s funny, genuinely funny in an off-kilter way. And anything that doesn’t take itself too seriously is well on the way to being a winner in my book.

The Good: 
My sister and I spent a lot of the movie giggling (partially because we have that effect on each other, and partially) because the movie was frequently, genuinely quite funny. After we left, my sister mentioned that she’d enjoyed the parts that were “unintentionally funny.” Personally, I think most of the “unintentional” humor was, in actuality, intentional.

The movie shows its sense of humor from the moment we’re first introduced to John Carter in action. His early attempts to escape the military force sent to round him up are extremely funny, and the humor has to be deliberate. Not only are his attempts to escape funny, but they also reveal something significant about the nature of the protagonist and the film itself. John Carter the man never gives up (even when it seems hopeless). John Carter the movie uses humor even during serious moments to deliver vital plot points (even though this is unconventional).

The movie is really funny. Yes, there are times when you find yourself laughing at it instead of with it. But then suddenly, you begin to wonder if the characters are also laughing at it. And if they are in on the joke, then maybe you’re laughing with it after all. It uses the kind of humor I like. The jokes come quickly, delivered a beat before you’re expecting a punch line. Quick, frenetic, deranged humor. The kind lunatics like me appreciate.

But still, there’s a serious story going on. The whole thing isn’t just a big joke. And if you’re going to enjoy John Carter, you have to be willing to engage in the necessary suspension of disbelief.

Despite its abundant humor, the movie isn’t a comedy. It’s an earnest adventure story, the kind rarely seen anymore. It’s kind of like Treasure Island or The Three Musketeers. It’s the kind of thing you can imagine a twelve-year-old staying up past his bedtime to finish. (You know, the reading under the covers with a flashlight bit?) It’s best to approach material like this with a sense of childlike wonder, the kind that even the most jaded cynics among us can usually manage to conjure up while sitting in a darkened movie theater where there’s no one present to judge us and find us childish.

My nine-year-old stepson thought the movie was “awesome,” and truth be told, so did I. I’ll go out on a limb and say that John Carter is my favorite movie I’ve seen this year. (Granted, that’s not saying much. It’s March.) I’m not saying, “As a critic, I think this is the finest film of the year.” I’m saying, “As someone who has loved going to movies since before I was literate, I really, really loved John Carter.” It is fun to watch. (And this is coming from someone who finds long stretches of action and explosions unbearably dull.)

There was a child inside of me who was thoroughly wowed by John Carter. (The woman who saw the previews never would have believed it, but in light of all the evidence, it makes sense. I cry every time I watch Finding Nemo, and the first scene of Wall-E is potentially my favorite scene in any movie ever.) It’s possible that Andrew Stanton goes off on a wild tangent in this movie, but the thing is, I’m right there with him.

The historical context of the film is also interesting. A Civil War veteran, John Carter doesn’t want to fight for anyone’s cause anymore. The divided world he encounters on Mars could easily be the hallucination of someone with post-traumatic stress disorder and a heightened awareness of race/class conflict. Now I’m curious to read more about Edgar Rice Burroughs.

The 3D was post-converted and nothing to write home about, but they probably did that because the movie cost so much to make. They’ve got to get their money back somehow, I suppose.

Still, the movie had some nice visuals. (Ironically, my husband just said, out of nowhere, “Another great thing about that movie was the 3D. There were no cheesy effects, no stuff coming out of the screen at you.” So there you have it, another perspective.)

I thought the action was genuinely exciting, the more so because it was always plot and character driven. We followed the characters and their actions, much more satisfying than a bunch of mindless, faceless explosions.

Even though Taylor Kitsch (as John Carter) is relatively unknown (except to fans of Friday Night Lights), the rest of the cast is fairly seasoned, and most of the acting is good. Some moments seem a bit too melodramatic, but the whole movie has a tone of manic enthusiasm that makes such melodrama a bit more palatable (or at least less unexpected).

John Carter also has cool costumes and a great score (written by Michael Giacchino who won an Oscar for scoring Up).

Best Surprise: 
Others may disagree, but I love the moment when John Carter challenges the new Jeddak of the Tharks, Tal Hajus (voiced by Thomas Hayden Church, and yes, the movie definitely has a lexicon of its own. The introduction of the Martian characters is a bit bewildering at first, but after a while, you start to catch on).

Their battle for dominance was perhaps the best clash of this nature that I’ve ever seen. My sister was like, “I guess they were running out of time.” (I wish movies “ran out of time” like this more often because I thought this moment was an unexpected delight.)

The bit at the tomb is good, too.

Funniest Moment: 
Okay, this may legitimately be one of those moments where at least some of the humor is unintentional. (But I still think it’s meant to be funny.) My sister and I could not stop laughing during the scene when Carter speaks to Dejah Thoris just before the wedding and compliments her on her beautiful dress. Maybe we weren’t supposed to laugh at that, but I’m not convinced. Lynn Collins seems a lot more aware of what a spectacle she is than Carrie Fisher ever appeared to be while wearing that gold bikini in Return of the Jedi. If we’re laughing at John Carter in this scene, then for sure Lynn Collins’s Dejah Thoris is laughing with us.

Best Dog: 
Wait till you see this dog in action. Even if you’re one of the people who rolls their eyes at the movie, you’re going to love the dog. Everybody loves the dog.

Best Action Sequence: 
I think the Tharks are the most interesting of the three separate peoples inhabiting Mars (aka Barsoom). You do have to get past the fact that they’re green, have four arms, and (because they’re created through CGI) seem uncomfortably like the distant Martian cousins of Jar-Jar Binks. Tolerate them for a while, and they’ll start to grow on you. They’re a funny bunch. Many of their actions and reactions are genuinely humorous. (By the way, it frustrates me that this movie is getting chilly critical and commercial reception when it is light-years better than The Phantom Menace.)

Anyway, I like the scene when John Carter first encounters Tars Tharkas (voiced by Willem Dafoe). All his jumping up to that point is kind of exciting, and his refusal to jump for Tars Tharkas also sets off a series of interesting events.

Best Scene: 
I like the part when Carter, Sola, and Dejah Thoris finally arrive at their secret, mystical destination. (I don’t want to spoil anything, but that part is cool.)

The Negatives: 
Finding Nemo and Wall-E are my two favorite Pixar movies, so I’m quite favorably disposed to Andrew Stanton. When I read an interview about all the trouble he had combining so much source material into one, cohesive, comprehensible film, I immediately felt for him. Watching John Carter, I made a conscious effort to cut him some slack.

But there is a lot of unfamiliar material thrown at the viewer all at once, and you always feel pretty sure that even though you’re getting enough of the gist to follow the action, you’re really missing out on a lot of the backstory. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy was like this, too (deliberately, I might add), but that wasn’t about a mystical place called Barsoom, located on a planet we now know to be uninhabited, so critics reacted differently.

John Carter is not nearly as confusing as Tinker Tailor, but it does not really feel like a movie that’s comfortable with its own exposition. It seems uncomfortably aware that it’s not setting the story for the audience by the most traditional and proven methods.

I think one reason that characters like Deja Thoris and her father Tardos Mors (played by Ciarán Hinds) seem so melodramatic in their early scenes is that we meet them in a moment of crisis and hear them throwing out all kinds of strange words and emotions before we’ve had the time and ability to empathize with them. The movie suffers a bit from too much plot, all crammed excitingly into a relatively small two-hour window.

But if you think John Carter’s plot is too confusing, read Dune, and then come back and watch John Carter again, and you’ll see it’s really not that confusing, and you’re just nitpicking and whining. Yes, it’s not the most masterfully handled plot exposition, but the audience can still follow what’s going on well enough to enjoy the story in the moment.

My sister thinks that the machinations and motivations of the Therns were not adequately explained. Maybe not, but I found the Therns intriguing and provocative, anyway. And in terms of setting up a story, I found this movie much more effective than The Green Lantern. (Sadly, we’ll probably never get a second installment of John Carter.)

The more serious flaw that I see is that John Carter is the least interesting character in the movie. Taylor Kitsch is very smoldery and limber and all that, but the character doesn’t seem very…deep.

There’s a scene where he fights off an army while remembering a trauma from his past. The interspersed flashbacks should have made me cry. But instead, I laughed throughout the scene because something funny happened for a second in the present moments (I think something involving the dog).

I remember reading an interview a long time ago saying that Finding Nemo originally told the story of what happened to Nemo’s mother in flashbacks later in the film. They abandoned this method of storytelling because it made Nemo’s father Marlin seem too unlikable for too long. They moved Cora’s death scene to the beginning of the film.

I think the same thing should have been done here. We have a pretty good idea what’s haunting John Carter from the beginning, so the flashbacks do not come as a huge revelation. Since they don’t come as a huge revelation, maybe they shouldn’t be held for so long. Just a thought.

The Performances: 
Taylor Kitsch is just fine as John Carter, though I thought the character was underwritten in the screenplay (at least based on what I saw in the movie).

(Memorable for stepping in when a pregnant Cate Blanchett dropped out and playing Portia opposite Al Pacino’s Shylock in The Merchant of Venice), Lynn Collins makes a thoroughly engaging Dejah Thoris. Sometimes, she comes on a little strong, but the character seems to have a penchant for theatrics, so it all works out.

Ciarán Hinds (who didn’t have much to do in the similarly confusing Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy) doesn’t have much to do here (either). He’s a strong actor. As Tardos Mor, Jeddak of Helium (yes the lexicon is a bit off-putting), he doesn’t have much to do but brood around in torment, but at least he does it with panache.

Bryan Cranston makes the most of an early scene as Powell, the military man John Carter can’t seem to escape.

Samantha Morton and Willem Dafoe are likeable and engaging as Sola and Tars Tarkas, two of the most sympathetic characters in the film who almost steal the show from the angsty John Carter and the melodramatic, self-centered, self-proclaimed philanthropist, Dejah Thoris.

Thomas Hayden Church is menacing as Tal Hajus, and Polly Walker is winningly malicious, too, as Sarkoja.

Dominic West is usually pretty good at playing a creepy, sleazy, opportunistic jerk, and he does not disappoint as Sab Than.

I’m a big fan of Mark Strong, and he’s definitely playing one of the most intriguing characters in the film. The character doesn’t get much development, but Strong does emit a fittingly eerie vibe the entire time he’s on screen.

Throughout the whole movie, I kept racking my brains, trying to recognize the squeaky young actor playing Edgar Rice Burroughs. The credits finally solved the mystery—Daryl Sabra, Juni Cortez in the Spy Kids series. I think he overdoes it at times, but he’s still pretty fun to watch.

Overall: 
I loved John Carter. I’ll probably buy it as soon as it comes out. It appeals to the young romantic in me, the girl who loved adventure stories and dreamed that one day she would be a boy reading about pirates with a flashlight under the covers at midnight.

John Carter is a lot of fun. It’s not without its flaws. I can certainly see how some people wouldn’t like it, but I liked it, and I’m sure I’m not alone in the universe. There are other John Carter fans out there. To find out if you’re one of them, go see the movie. (Try to see it twice because this love letter to Mars is still in the red, and I want it to succeed.)

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