I actually liked all the movies in this tier and would gladly re-watch any of them. Are they perfect? No. Are they prime examples of great cinema? No. Are they entertaining movies? Absolutely.
I’ve spent all day reshuffling these four films. Ranking them has been agony. Part of the problem is a classic apples and oranges conundrum. Two of these movies are for children, and the other two are rated R (though one of them really shouldn’t be, but more on that later). It’s like trying to compare a Stephen King novel to a Sandra Boynton board book. Both Hippos Go Berserk and It would provide the right reader a fabulous evening of entertainment, but it’s hard to know which to recommend over the other to an unknown audience. (I personally would choose Hippos Go Berserk, but my eleven-year-old might find It more compelling.)
Finally I just threw up my hands, stopped shuffling, and gave them all a (B-). None of these movies deserves an (A), but they’re all good enough that the right person might really love any one of them and choose to watch it over and over and over again! That sounds like solid (B-) territory to me!
17.) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (B-)
What I Liked:
I would rank this movie higher if only I had seen more stuff this summer! Even though it’s pretty close to the bottom of my list, I don’t think of this latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles effort as the third worst film I’ve seen this summer. Actually, I liked it quite a bit (more than I expected). It’s just that I happened to catch sixteen other summer movies that I liked better. Not every movie can be number one.
This new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reminds me of the kind of movie my sister and I used to hope to catch on HBO back in the day. Several times during our childhood, we stayed for a few weeks in the hotel where our dad worked while waiting to find a house in a new city where we had just moved. When you’re in elementary school in the 1980s and you live in a hotel, you really look forward to seeing (what passes for) the kid-friendly movie option HBO is airing that month. (You would be amazed how fantastic Howard the Duck can be when you have literally no other movie choices.) These days, of course, kids have a lot more options for on screen entertainment no matter where they are. But this latest dramatization of the misadventures of the heroes in a half shell reminds me exactly of the type of film my sister and I would desperately look forward to on (the otherwise very adult) HBO.
For a movie produced by Michael Bay, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is surprisingly sweet and earnest. I felt almost shocked as I slowly realized, “Hey, wait a minute! This is a children’s movie!” Granted, it is rated PG-13 and there are some scenes of peril that might distress young viewers, but my five-year-old had no problems watching.
Unlike some earlier reimaginings of the Ninja Turtles myth, this version does a great job of recreating the traditional personalities of the amphibian heroes and making each of them easily distinguishable from his brothers.
Though I far prefer the late 80s/early 90s cartoon to any cinematic treatment, I have always liked the brooding, wise-cracking Raphael and the goofy, good-natured Michelangelo best, while my husband prefers geek scientist extraordinaire Donatello. We were pleased to see the characters resurrected much as we remembered them.
It was nice to see Megan Fox resurrected, too, though she’s not exactly as I remembered her. I’m used to seeing her as the sassy Mikeala Barnes from Transformers, but her April O’Neil seems to have more in common with Maria von Trapp from The Sound of Music (such a loose cannon…compared to all the other nuns). Fox plays April as a rogue journalist willing to work outside the system, but her greatest transgression is rescuing turtles, and she sometimes reminds me of Punky Brewster. Still I always liked Punky Brewster, and I think Fox does a pretty good job with her role, as do Will Arnett, William Fichtner, and Whoopi Goldberg. They all make the most of the material they’re given.
For me, the flashback explaining how the mutant turtles ended up in the sewers and the fun downhill chase scene in the snow make the movie both watchable and rewatchable. We also get a nice Arrested Development joke (with even more layers than I first noticed in the theater).
When I asked my daughter a moment ago what she liked most about the movie, she answered, “The orange one. I told you that.” I have to agree with her. The goofy, amiable, and thoroughly non-threatening Michelangelo gets the most laughs and wins the most hearts by far.
What I Didn’t Like:
Just now, I asked my daughter, “Was there anything you didn’t like about the movie?”
“Yes,” she replied, “everything except the orange one.”
Considering that she watched the whole thing attentively, I think she’s exaggerating there a bit, but I agree that apart from Michelangelo’s goofiness and the scenes I mentioned above, the movie is rather grim for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles outing.
I like the characters they’ve assembled and hope that in a sequel, they’ll pick a storyline that is less high-stakes and traumatic for the turtles themselves. I’d like to focus more on the turtles’ banter and heroics. Actually, I’d be happy if we could just focus more on the turtles, period. April O’Neil is a plucky delight and all, but we didn’t fork over good money we could have used for pizza to watch I’m a Grown-Up Now and I Can Break the News: The April O’Neil Story.
Much of the movie is too gloomy. The first third has a slight pacing problem (and some random shaky cam that thankfully soon vanishes for no reason). The visual design of Splinter is downright creepy. He doesn’t look like a warm-blooded mammal, more like a cold-hearted killer formed from the nightmares of test lab scientists. (And his backstory is…um…just kind of dumb ). But even the viscerally unsettling rat fares better than Shredder who barely has a presence and is shamefully underutilized as a villain.
Still a sequel could improve on all these problems rather easily (except maybe for Splinter’s silly backstory), so I remain optimistic for the future of the franchise. (Maybe Splinter will admit that he made up that story, secure in the knowledge that teenage turtles will believe anything.)
16.) Neighbors (B-)
What I Liked:
Both Nicholas Stoller and Seth Rogen put out a lot of comedies these days, and this is one of them. It’s as funny as anyone could reasonably hope, certainly one of the funniest R-rated comedies I saw this summer (though I saw only two).
What really sticks with me about Neighbors is that inspired final duel between Zac Efron’s Teddy and Seth Rogen’s Mac in the frat house, the photogenic splendor of twins Elise and Zoey Vargas (together playing the Radners’ vivacious, ethereally beautiful baby), and—whether I like it or not—the milking scene. (The bit is very funny, but the image is slightly more disturbing than what I prefer to have flood my mind’s eye every time I see Rose Byrne. My inability to forget that painful moment does not seem very fair to Rose Byrne who is a lovely woman and an incredibly versatile actress.)
Rogen and Efron have surprisingly good comedic chemistry together. And I’ve always liked both the versatile Rose Byrne and the so-great-at-acting-one-way-he-doesn’t-need-to-demonstrate-that-he’s-versatile Dave Franco.
As a parent, I found absolutely hilarious some nice, baby-related jokes that still-childless viewers may not consider all that funny, and I’m sure the reverse is also true.
I’m unlikely to see Neighbors again very soon, but that’s because it’s inappropriate viewing for my five-year-old daughter, not because it didn’t make me laugh.
What I Didn’t Like:
Here’s how hard I would laugh if somebody gave my infant a used condom to play with as an intimidation tactic—so hard that the court would find me not guilty of that person’s murder by reason of my obvious criminal insanity.
Lots of stuff in this movie made me cringe so much that it was hard to feel good about laughing. I still laughed at these things (sometimes), but I wasn’t enjoying myself as much as I could have been. The extreme pranks in the escalating war between the frat house and the bored thirtysomething couple next door eventually became far too dangerous to be funny. Watching them, I couldn’t relax. And why is it ever funny to stick your penis in someone’s mouth while that person is sleeping? That still doesn’t seem very funny to me (for either person, really. The joke may be on you. Who knows where that mouth has been or what it’s been eating recently. Could be jalapeños. You never know.)
Neighbors is pretty amusing, but by next summer, everyone will forget all about it because some other new release will be just as funny and more of the moment, and Seth Rogen will probably be in that movie, too!
15.) Earth to Echo (B-)
What I Liked:
When quizzed, my five-year-old told me that she liked this movie much better than Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because “that little alien is so cute that I would save him, too, if I could.”
I agree with her on both counts. Despite being thirty-five years old, I am (and have always been) a sucker for kids’ adventure movies like this. They’re fun and harmless and usually engaging, and when you’re watching them you get to see emergent talent. (These days, in every youth ensemble of four or five, you’ll find at least one future star.)
The kids in this movie are a charismatic, sympathetic lot, and I enjoyed watching them on their last big adventure. The interplay of the characters reminded me of Super 8 (arguably a little too much. Our eleven-year-old left the theater convinced that Emma in this movie was played by the same actress as Alice in Super 8, and though Ella Wahlestedt does look like Elle Fanning, I think the two characters they play are even more similar.)
Aside from its winning cohort of child stars and its adorable title alien, Earth to Echo‘s greatest strength is its realistic incorporation of contemporary technology. Kids today are tech savvy and totally accustomed to all the gadgets that have always played an ordinary role in their lives. Is the presence of this now current tech going to date the movie? Absolutely. That may be its saving grace, in fact. Imagine the nostalgia factor! Thirty years from now, our children may want to show this movie to their own children just to impress upon them how different the world once was.
My husband and I really liked the movie, and so did both our kids. During the screening and afterwards, my five-year-old kept talking about wanting to “go on a nice explore” when she was older, “maybe eight.” But when she goes, she’s going to take along some snacks and, most importantly, an air mattress. I know because she told me 275 times.
What I Didn’t Like:
Just as Neighbors seems destined to shine brightly for only a short time until next year’s comparable R-rated comedy eclipses and replaces it, Earth to Echo also seems likely to be buried in the cinematic sands of time sooner rather than later.
It clearly has a lot (some might say too much) in common with movies like Goonies and E.T., but obviously those movies are much better, so once Earth to Echo loses the virtue of being new, the question becomes why chose to rewatch it over one of the classics it cribs from?
This movie is quite formulaic and never quite manages to remove itself from the shadow of earlier (and greater) children’s adventure stories. The film’s major shortcoming is its general inadequacy, which sounds kind of sad when I put it like that.
Now some young children—like my daughter—may actually prefer this film to other older, better (by an adult standard) movies. If the film is going to be adored by anyone, it will be very young children my daughter’s age who think that the little alien is so cute and find the adventure captivating without being too scary.
Adults who have seen a kids’ adventure movie before, however, may tire of this one after one or two viewings. As I said earlier, nostalgia may resurrect the movie a generation from now, but it’s probably not going to get too much attention until then.
14.) Jersey Boys (B-)
What I Liked:
I had no particular expectations for Jersey Boys and was pleasantly surprised by just how much I enjoyed it. Oddly enough, I personally like many of Clint Eastwood’s less beloved directorial efforts far better than their more universally praised counterparts. Don’t ask me why. I’m just going by my gut, and I guess my gut really likes supposedly mediocre Clint Eastwood films.
I also love musicals. I’ve never been to Broadway, but I have seen several West End productions, and in high school and college, I collected tons of original cast recordings on CD (so I can sing along to shows I’ve never even seen)!
Apparently, I also know and like ten times more Four Seasons hits than I realized before seeing this movie.
Watching Jersey Boys with my husband, I truly had fun. It’s like a mix of Sleepers, Dream Girls, and The Jolson Story (which my mom and grandparents loved to watch when I was in middle school). It also reminds me a little of Mamma Mia!, and every biopic of a musician ever made.
I love all the songs, but honestly my favorite part of the movie is what happens before Frankie and his friends become famous. It somehow feels totally authentic and at the same time, completely like the safe, hyper-reality of a stage show. Vincent Piazza makes an excellent Tommy DeVito, Renée Marino is great as Mary, and the movie is also much funnier than I expected (and hardly dark at all for an Eastwood film!).
The (ridiculous) R-rating is only for language. Bleep out the occasional profanity, and you could show Jersey Boys as is on network TV.
Honestly I can’t wait to see this musical adaptation again at home because I think my parents and stepson might really enjoy it. I also can’t seem to stop singing snatches of “My Eyes Adored You,” which is highly annoying because I could swear I don’t like that song consciously!
What I Didn’t Like:
When I was revising the first draft of my rankings, I came to Jersey Boys and thought, “I loved that movie. It should go fairly high on the list based on how much I enjoyed it. I mean, I truly enjoyed the whole thing…except the second half.”
Yeah, that’s kind of a big exception.
Based on my own enjoyment of the film, Jersey Boys would rank a few places higher on this list, except how can I give a glowing grade to a movie whose “one big problem” is its entire second half? That’s really not fair to the other movies.
The second half isn’t awful, but it loses a lot of energy. Part of the problem is that while John Lloyd Young is a tremendous vocal talent with the perfect singing voice for the part, his skills as a dramatic actor are less impressive, a misfortune more noticeable in a film than it would be on the stage, no doubt. Lloyd’s acting isn’t atrocious or anything, but he’s certainly no Sean Penn in Mystic River. (I personally thought Penn wasn’t given opportunity to show enough range in Mystic River, but he won an Oscar under the direction of Clint Eastwood, so he seemed like the right choice to end my sentence.)
Lloyd is a much better singer than he is an actor. Of course, I can’t fault the movie too much. Imagine how hard it must be to find someone who can both look like and sing like Frankie Valli (a man who rose to such heights of fame in part because his voice is so unique)!
I really like Jersey Boys, but I can’t justify giving it an (A) over other movies that are stronger overall.